“We are fully in control of our future”
This was the epiphany I had one sunny Sunday afternoon when I was having a guilt-free dip in my new roll top bath.
(I say guilt free as along with so many women, I think of self-care as a guilty pleasure. I am working on ridding guilt from my life.)
So, “why are we not all living the lives that we truly want to be?” was my next thought.
I thought back over the clients that I have worked with and dug into my memory banks of what I used to tell myself and I came to an astonishing realisation.
There are 5 thoughts which we all have that prevent us from dreaming big.
5 thoughts which are stopping greatness in our own lives.
So, I thought I would share these with you along with my top tips for overcoming them.
1. “I know what I don’t want, but I just don’t know what I do want”
The saying, if I had a pound for every time I heard………but it’s true.
So, so many of us know what we don’t want to be doing but how many of know what we do want?
We know we don’t want to be stuck on this endless commute, we don’t want to sit in this air conditioned office, we don’t want to attend another meeting about something we’re just not that interested in.
However, when asked what you want instead, your mind goes blank. Panic ensues and the answer “I don’t know” escapes from your lips.
This locks you in your current world because how can you move on if you don’t know where you’re going?
But, have you ever taken time to really think about it? Have you ever set aside even an hour to allow yourself to dream? And dream big.
Not to put limits on your thoughts but to really, really think about what you truly desire.
This is the ticket to freedom.
- Set aside an hour this weekend and block it out in your diary.
- Find yourself a quiet, relaxing place where you won’t be disturbed and really allow your mind to relax.
- Write, draw or say what it is that your heart really desires. Don’t censor yourself, nobody is listening.
- Note down what you saw. How did it make you feel? What surprised you?
- Take time each week to add to this picture of your ideal future. Once you allow yourself to think big, you may just be amazed at the results.
2. “But what if I don’t like it when I get it?”
This is an all too common worry and definitely one which I had to overcome.
There is always the thought of what if you do all this work to go get what you really want, but then you don’t actually like it when you get it.
In truth, this doesn’t happen. If you are truly following the path that you believe in then it will be your everything when you get there.
The problem occurs if you’re following somebody else’s dream. If you change to make somebody else happy/ like you more/ respect you, then what you become will not satisfy you.
And believe it or not, it will not satisfy that other person either.
If you are 100% honest with yourself and allow yourself to dream your ideal life, then trust me, you will wholeheartedly LOVE it when you get there.
- Be honest with yourself. If there were no consequences, what would you be doing with your life?
- Imagine yourself there. Imagine your happy, stress-free, successful self living that dream.
- How do you feel? Which bits do you like? Which bits don’t you like? What might you change?
- Note this down and go back to it regularly to keep it fresh in your mind.
3. “I’d love to, but I don’t have enough experience/ money/ time”
OK, so there are only 24 hours in a day and yes, we do need money to live and of course you need some experience in your field, but how often is this sentence used as a get out clause.
Are you using these excuses so that you don’t have to start? Is this keeping the dream intact?
If you do truly want to change, have you worked out how much time you would need? And how much money could you comfortably live on?
And what have you done so far in relation to getting that experience?
Everybody has to start from somewhere and no, you’re not going to be an expert overnight but you’re definitely not going to be one in 10 years if you don’t start at some point.
The fear of not being or having enough is there to protect you but if you listen to it too much, it can stifle you and trap you in a world that you don’t want to be in.
There is always a way. If you genuinely want something so badly. There is always a way.
So do something today that your 10 year’s older self will thank you for.
- Thinking about what you want to be doing, how could you gain experience?
- How much time a week would you need to start gaining this experience?
- Imagine a normal day, split the hours out into the different activities and write them down. For example, sleeping 8 hours, food prep and eating 1.5 hours, personal grooming 1 hour, TV 1hour, etc. (make sure it adds up to 24 hours).
- Review the list of how you spend your day. Where in the week can you find the time that you need to get started?
- Review your monthly outgoings. How much money do you need a month to live on?
- Looking at what you want to do, how much money do you need for this?
- What 3 things could you do in order for you to afford to make the change?
4. “Why would people listen to me?”
This was a MAJOR one for me. I mean, why would anybody listen to me? What did I know?!?!
It’s the who-does-she-think-she-is syndrome that we all fear. The judgement of others, the belittling of our own skills and the suppression of the talent that we bring to this world.
All because of the fear that we aren’t good enough.
But the truth is, you are good enough. Just as you are.
And if you believe in something and are truly passionate about it, it will shine through and people will take note and listen.
They will be drawn to that passion that burns in you.
So have faith in your ability to be you.
Your true special gift to the world which everybody wants to hear about is you. Just you.
- What are you passionate about?
- What knowledge do you already have in relation to this? (You have way more than you think!)
- What makes you unique?
- What strengths do you have?
5. “Shouldn’t I just be happy with what I’ve got?”
So many people feel we should just be happy with our lot in life and continue as we are.
It feels as if we are being ungrateful if we stand up and say that actually this isn’t making us happy.
The problem is that no matter how fantastic your life is, if it’s not the one that you want to be living, you’re not going to be truly happy.
There will always be that nagging voice telling you that you should be doing something else. That this isn’t your true calling.
Being grateful for your life is different to putting up with what you have.
Being grateful involves living your life exactly how it was intended to be lived, not trying to fit into somebody else’s life mould.
And being truly grateful doesn’t come from being paid the big bucks. This pays for the distractions you use to mask that inner voice telling you that you want to be doing something different.
But ultimately, all the money in the world will not shut that voice up.
Another car, another handbag, another holiday.
They won’t fill the empty void that is in you when you’re not being your true self.
But when you become the person you always knew you could be, when you get the confidence to step out there and do the things that you want to, that’s when that voice settles and the void is replaced with contentment and peace.
Taking that first step to becoming your true self whether that be signing up for the course you’ve always wanted to do, handing in your notice at that job that just isn’t you, deciding that you’re not just going to live the life that you’ve fallen into, that’s where the true feeling of being grateful lies.
Because you have the choice. And there is nothing more gratifying than deciding that you’re going to do something big with your life.
- What does being grateful mean to you?
- What are you grateful for in your life right now?
- What would you be grateful for in your new life if you took the plunge?
You see, by listening to what we tell ourselves on a daily basis, we can start to bring positivity into our lives and start treating ourselves with the respect and self-love that we deserve.
After all, we are fully in control of our future.
So what are you telling yourself that is holding you back from living your dream life? I would love to hear from you so let’s connect.